Going Back To Count The Score

And so I find
that here I wait
for time on end
and breath a-bait.
For something there
that maybe was
but never will
again because
I ruined all
and ruined more
and then became
completely sore.
With lack of thought
and care and will
and all I should have
born then still.
I tore away
my heart's content
and mind's relaxing
state to vent.
I ruined all
and wish I could
go back one day
to count a score.
So here I stand
before thine eyes
will you forgive me?
G-d, please don't die.