Doubt

I wish I could know what you mean, 

What you think, 

What you feel -

"Don't walk on eggshells around me"

"I hope our friendship never ends"

"I won't abandon you" 

"I spend more time with you than any other friend"

"I just need some space". 

You told me I looked at you through rose tinted glasses, 

Misinterpreting everything,

Perceiving as I want it to be.  

But why would I feed

This broken, never ending loop

And add to my sundered heart, 

And crushed self image

To imagine that you don't want me around.  

I can't help but worry

That I'm breaking your spirit,

And you're so scared for my mind

That you don't say a thing.  

You know what my triggers are. 

You know what I've been through. 

You know what will break me. 

You're careful with your words,

And clarify each moment,

But

Those words are too strong,

The moments aren't casual,

The embers have burnt down

And the course of regret has begun.  

The doubt seeps in. 

I will never know. 

You will find your space,

And your regret will bury me alive.