trust

... lets see, where should i start. ok, i got it. i love amanda, but there are some things, especially recently, that make me feel like i cant exactly tell her everything that ive got on my mind. its not that i dont trust her to keep it a secret, i know that she wont tell a soul. its just that, without even realizing, she's judging me. i remember, the first time i opened up and told her that i liked someone, the final straw that got me to tell her was when she told me that she wouldn't judge me. but, i dont know, shes been making fun of me about stuff (just like teasing) from the past, and the present, thinking that she's right, and now, knowing her opinion on everything, i just cant bring myself to tell her the honest truth. i dont know how this all startedm i guess it was last monday when i was talking to shmuel and he said that i didnt know her as well as i thought i did. damn him for messing with my head... no, i shouldnt go blaming other people. i guess ill just have to go on, and keep the current weirdness to myself (not like i can tell anyone anyways, bari being so unreachable lately, and nadia being at camp). so i guess thats it, its probably just a phase anyways, but for the time being atleast i cant trust amanda not to judge me.