Choosing

Year 0. Day 8.
To be or not to be?  Which is better to be?  I don't know.
I know you're watching me.
I can see you.
Should I choose monster for a twisted sort of torture and happiness?  Should I continue life as a failure?  Is there a third option?
Option: I run away.
I'll run away from it all.  I'll run away from the world.  I'll run and breathe and throw my head up at the beautiful afternoon sky as the brisk autumn wind sweeps by my outstretched arms.  I'll run away.
"No."
You're right.  I can't run away.  I'm sorry.
I accept my punishment.  I'll stay here.  I'll continue life.  I deserve worse.  I should ask for worse, but I know you'll give it to me.  I know I can't take it yet. 
I'm sorry.