The Night Owl

Chhh…. heh heh hehhhh. What is this? Such strange bitterness. It’s…

She stood, and fell. The heavy breathing resumed. She would lie there for hours some mornings. Such a bitter taste, a bitter sense encompassing her entire soul; she couldn’t break free of it. No memories remained, just this strange bitter taste.

Slowly, empty strength still lacking in her limbs, she crawled passed some rubble, to where the others were. Where they should have been.

“Aah! Cheh hehehhh. No!” She spun around, and they were all watching her, exactly as it should be.

“What’s wrong?” One asked.

“Shh. Leave her be, she’s been unstable recently. You don’t want to be like that too. Just let her be.” Another hushed the questioner.

She stared back at them, as they slowly resumed the meal. She slumped down against the cold, hard wall of the cavern. What happened to me last night? Why can’t I remember any of it? And she truly could not. No one could.

She stared at her hands, somehow reddened by irremovable grime, but she could not figure it out. Then the pain returned. Doubled over, she held her stomach as it all came back. It was still empty though. It was always empty. She pulled herself together and crawled into the daylight. The bright abyss of light that shattered all their senses, but they could no longer avoid. She crawled onwards, several steps, that’s all she needed.

Just one more step. Almost there. Hah hah heh chhhhehhh.

She couldn’t make it. Her icy eyes, encumbered by the heavy cold, could see the shadow of a figure. He held her. His heart was so warm. She could feel it beating beside hers. So lovingly. She could almost taste it. The bitter taste returned, a cold sensation running through her veins. And she awoke.

“Hah! Who are you.” She said without asking. She already knew him.

“Shhh… You’re weak, don’t move. You’ll be safe here. Just stay put. I’ll take care of you.”

“Fool!” She exclaimed, rising, ready to leave. He moved closer, hugged her weak, thin, frantic body before it got away, “Don’t you understand? I’ll ruin you! You can’t be safe with me anymore. I’ll kill you like…” the memories returned to her. The bitterness never left.

His eyes, once light with hope, looked down at her, now full in a solid umber. “I still love you though.”

She watched him as the mirrored passion grew. The day was calm. No sounds were heard. The embers from the pit on the edge of the entryway smoked high as the fire glowed low. Rain fell down outside. And she was gone. He sat in shock, as she had disappeared. Her secret discovered, the hideous soul within revealed, but her beauty still captured his heart with each breath. But she was gone.

The moon, no longer full, not yet empty, rose high into the sky. The time would soon come. The day had fled before her eyes, but she was pleased. The night was calm without the trance of the freshwater gem in the sky. But she still felt it.

So empty, and alone.
Why is it I’m the only one?
In the middle of the night…

She leaned along the mountainside, those strong, cold rocks they called their home, gazing at her hated curse, longing for it. The heavy bruises fell across her sleepless face, as she watched the hypnotic dancing of the stars. The memory returned.

“Ma, Ma, quick! Come look!” She was a child again. The other children of the clan ran wildly past her to their mother. She remembered this day. It was the first time. It was her first time. The night ran dark, the empty moon no longer seen. A new month appeared before their eyes. The vast darkness spread before their eyes. It was calm. She liked the feeling. But it wouldn’t last. She came to hate the calm. Always a prelude to the dreaded event. The moment she regretted, never able to live it down, hold it in.

Her clan, the only creatures to walk like men, but still able to see in this expanse of darkness, treaded down the caves. Through the forests, by the river. They found the town. Any town. It was never important which it was. And the slaughter began.

The bitterness returned to her, as she broke free from the spell.

It’s late. The sun will be up soon. I should go home.

She regained her senses, at last, and returned along the mountain path. The cave was just as left. She entered it first. The others hadn’t returned yet from their nightly trek. She walked past the elderly, those exempt from the trek, entering her private seclusion of the cavern. Sleep finally caught up with her.

“Did you see that one? How he went down?!”

“Boy, that was a good one last night, sure was. This time it’ll last us long.”

“Don’t make such assumptions. You know well as I that times are fading. The people are catching on, moving-”

She heard the voices, walking into the public sector. They stopped. One of the voices rose, came to her.

“Are you alright? Sambela?”

She looked at him with her deep eyes, full of regret. Then looked away. Her head turned down, she couldn’t face him anymore.

“Poor boy, that Annyk. He pledged himself to her before she lost it. So honorable, still holding to his pledge,” the others whispered.

Sambela and Annyk left them, into the little privacy bestowed in such a clan.

“Are you feeling better yet? It’ll be ok. It’ll get better soon. Mela, remember I’m still here for you. I still love you Mela. I won’t leave you, even if you do go mad. I’ll always love you.”

She gazed up at him. A sigh. She could do no more to the poor fool, holding onto the invisible thread of hope that had been cut long ago.

“Annyk,” she breathed his name. “Annyk, leave me. I can’t be with you anymore. You know this. Don’t waste your life chasing my empty heart. It no longer belongs to this clan. Please don’t waste away with me.”

He waited for her breath to regulate itself again, then held her. Like he used to. But it wasn’t like he used to. The feeling was drained. But he could not yet let go. The feeling had left them long ago, but neither had the courage to say goodbye. She found it first, but he still held onto the somber fear of letting go. He left her alone again, swept away by her thoughts, her lost memories.

Since her childhood, she had gotten used to it, the slow, cruel massacre of entire villages, the blood and death. It became nothing after time. In fact, it was nothing. This was their means of survival. It was a kill or be killed type of world. She accepted that. But what other options did she have? Born and raised to accept this one vindication. Then she met him. It was summer, just by a full moon. The daylight streamed through the trees. This was the one time they lost their power. They became weak. And there he was.

Do you want to play with me? I haven’t seen you in the village before, are you new here? We seldom get new people in our village.

The boy looked at her, innocently, as he splashed his feet in the water. She never met one alive before. But she was still a child. She knew no difference between playing with him and playing with the children of her clan. She didn’t realize the complications that could arise from such a friendship, nor that a friendship would form.

They played together by the riverside.

“Sambela! Sambela, are you awake? We have food. You must eat something; you can‘t survive this way,” a woman entered her private sector. “Mela, my dear, you must understand, this is the way of our people. You were born this way, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Now, be a dear, come eat with us.”

The woman left. Several moments passed, and Sambela followed. She sat with them, the intoxicating smells running through her nostrils. The bitterness returned.

Before she knew it, she would sneak away from the clan to meet with him. He was different from the boys of her clan. She preferred him: his innocence, his playfulness, his being. She didn’t understand why, but among children it doesn’t matter.

One day, he was no longer there. It was the day of a new moon, she knew what would happen that night, but it never mattered before. Yet her new friend was gone, and the reasons were too muddy, too blurred for her to tell. Tears streamed down her face. But he was still gone.

Years passed, and she never saw him again. Life returned as it was before, and she was once again one of them. Her childhood waned and adulthood waxed. On the eve of her eighteenth year, she wandered.

“Sambela! Sambela, hold on!” the clan gathered by her listless body, a beat returned.

“Mela! Don’t leave me now! Please, don’t leave me now,” a voice among the crowd cried out.

Huuuhhhh… hehhh hehh heh. Her breath returned; life steadied; a cloud of calm once again laid itself upon them.

“Dear me, too many fears. The poor child wasn’t ready after all. I worry she’ll soon fall to the fatal ills if this mindful game of hers doesn’t cease.”

Annyk glared at the elderly woman, attempting to force guilt upon her soul. Unsuccessful, he moved his formerly betrothed towards the edge of the cavern, by the fire.

Who is he? Such warm hands. I feel so safe.

She lied motionless, still immersed in memories.

The green shimmer of the sun, scattered among the forest branches, played onto the ground by the river. Such memories, She thought. But a figure stood by the water’s edge, and he was no longer a memory. The tears that danced by her eyes so many years before, stagnant as time stood still in her heart, now returned overflowing.

He looked at her, his eyes so bright, just as they were ten years before. “Mela?”

She nodded, tears still holding back her speech. “Mela, what happened to you? I searched for you throughout our entire village, but you were no where.”

“I’m sorry, I should have-” her words were choked as they came out. “I should have told you. I’m not from your village. I still don’t understand. Why-?” She stopped her own question.

“We were afraid. Every village through this forest, along the river, down the valley. They were all massacred, one by one. We all left it in hurry one night. I’m sorry I never told you. I missed you,” he edged closer to her; they fell into each other’s arms.

The calm surrounded them as a soft rain fell from the glimmering green sky. They embraced each other, childhood friends, no longer children, no longer friends, but a bond still existed. Their souls twisted, fought, and then were one. It was strange. So many years went by, but together again, they felt that no moments fled away, the only change visible in their age.

I can’t stay here. I can’t stay with you anymore.

She looked up at his sweet green eyes, confused. But she rose away from him. She left.

Still unaware of the wrongs in her actions, she would soon be taught. Loving eyes passed by her departure. The test would soon come, with the dark of the new moon, and the owner of the loving eyes that caught her betrayal would be the one to decide her defeat.

Darkness fell, and the clan began their trek, full of spirit, full of fight. Tonight was the initiation. At eighteen each member of their clan was to be initiated at the midnight trek. She still saw nothing wrong. The bitterness was so sweet she could not see how dark a stain it left on her heart, her mind.

Among chaos and confusion they entered the village, so chosen by her betrothed. This would be the final stage. Wood was broken, homes destroyed. Those with wings spread them forth, brushing wild gusts in every direction upon the innocents.

In here! You have to come in here! He cried out. It was time. She knew what would happen now. She knew what her place was. But somehow, it felt wrong. A familiar scent roamed through the air.

Inside the shattered home, she saw the victims of her initiation. Familiar faces. No, not just familiar, identical. They shared the face of her childhood friend. The face of her love. She broke.

Annyk rose beside her. They’re right before you. See how I love you? I chose you easy prey. We’ll slay them, and you’ll be one of us. Don’t you want to be one of us?

She could no longer look at him. She could no longer hold the bitterness, so long building up inside of her.

What are you doing?! Mela! This is our chance. Don’t you love me? Don’t you want to be a part of the clan?

She couldn’t hold herself back. The strength slowly forced itself out of her. The bitterness remained. She sat on the cold earth, watching through her tearful eyes. Anger built up in his face. He brutally slaughtered the chosen prey. Swift slashes ran across their faces, through their souls. She could watch no more. The family was gone. She held him down, but only one was able to escape. Only one would remember that night.

Where is she? Where’s our new clan member? Excited cries were heard outside, throughout the massacred village. They entered the broken den where Sambela and Annyk stood.

“Annyk, how’d she do? Did she complete her initiation?”

The villagers waited for the forged answer, far too obvious from the scene among them. She looked sourly at his fixed gaze, hoping for the escape she knew wouldn’t come.

“She did it. She’s ready,” he lied.

The excited clan led her limp body into the center of the slaughter. They tore out the hearts of the victims, preparing her final initiation. A bitter juice was made, squeezed ripe into a stone goblet, handed to her empty being.

Hah!

Air entered her lungs. She awoke from the frozen memories of weeks gone by. Each day passed far too quick since then. It was nighttime, yet the clan remained gathered at the entryway. She rose, stumbling to the cluster.

In the center stood a man, wounded but strong. He stood against the clan, for the clan. He was her saviour, her love.

“What more do you want from us? You’ve already ruined our Mela, stolen her heart from where it belongs,” the elderly woman broke the silence with hostility.

“I won’t leave her here. She bore no wings. She’s not one of you. She doesn’t belong with you.”

Hostility grew. Rage reigned strong among the clan. Annyk broke the circle, first to attack.

“No!”

The cry made no difference. The man was cut down, half his life stolen. She broke through.

“He’s right. I don’t belong here. He didn’t ruin me, nor did he steal my heart. It was never owned to this clan. It was never owned to you. I’m sorry.”

She bore the inanimate body upon her drained shoulders, and left. Her shadow seen across the way as dawn approached.

I still don’t understand.

So empty and alone,
Why is it I’m the only one?
In the middle of the night…
The middle of the night.
So empty here beholds,
The sleepless nights
And frozen gaze,
It leaves me yearning
For what lacks space.
Still feeling so alone,
When no one’s up,
And no one’s home.
Why can’t I get past it?
Why is it in these cold blue nights
I still feel?
When it’s all gone,
Erased, escaped;
Why can’t the brush of slumber
Fall below me from the sky?
And break these habits, sunk so deep,
Leaving my sullen eyes bereaved.
I still yearn to call the golden pearl
Elegantly wrapped in the sky,
But I can’t help feeling
So empty and Alone,
When still surrounded by companions
In the middle of the night.