Convulsions

This sucks!   This sucks so much!  I hate everything right now.  I hate how my life was perfect and how it all fell apart and how all my plans and my entire future just went to nil in one month!  I hate how every detail was planned out and now I do nothing but apply for jobs with no prospect of any success or any progress at all.  I hate how my only future looks towards working menial jobs and giving up all that I like and care about.  I hate how I feel my entire education was now a waste.  I hate how I keep typing words wrong, like write instead of right and whole instead of hole, just because they sound the same, even though I know the difference, but I keep typing without thinking and the words come out because my fingers feel their way towards letters without any control over my part.  I hate it all!  Every time I think about anything - my past success, how my career went downhill, the mistakes that I made, and the ones I realized too late were mistakes all along - it all drives my head into swirls and convulsions, like the anger and sadness is building up and there's nothing left inside of me but these horrible negative emotions.  There is no happiness.  There is no peace.  It's like a bleak, gray fog has crept into my body and just beyond it lies a storm, but no end will ever brew or blow or pass in this horrible life.  I'll live alone and a failure.  I'll die, alone and a failure.  It's all over.